Choice

The adventure of capitalism! Poo!

Have you noticed something about the shopping these days? Choice has eaten its own tail. In their desperate efforts to make us buy their particular goods the nitwits in the marketing departments are actually eliminating the very products most of us want to buy.

I first noticed this in a futile attempt to buy some Flash floor powder. This simple product has been a staple product of our cleaning regime since time immemorial. Then suddenly it didn't exist any more. Before I realised this fact, I spent a tedious half hour scouring (ha ha) the shelves for my utilitarian friend. There was every sort of product with "Flash" written on it:-

... Flash Cleaner, Flash Surface Lemon Wipes, Flash Express Floor Wipes, Flash Antibacterial Surface, Flash Multi purpose Antibacterial Scrub Cloths, Flash Multi purpose Citrus Scrub Cloths Price, Flash Glass and Multi Surface Spray, Flash Multi Lemon Spray, Flash Spray with Bleach, Flash Ultimate Spray, Flash All Purpose Lemon, Flash All Purpose 1 Litre, Flash Bathroom Gel, Flash Bathroom Cleaner Trigger Spray ...

Yup, every bl**dy thing except Flash.

I've just now been down to do a bit of shopping in our local Morrisons. Time was I would breeze in and pick up a pack of five ready-to-eat plain popadums. I had a choice of two sorts - Morrisons own, and Sharwoods - indistinguishable except for 30p price difference. Then for a little while I was forced to have three extra at the same price. Oh well, Brigsy likes them too. But today, no plain popadums at all. Just spicy or garlic and coriander. Actually, there were some - but I had to buy a pack including two pots of "dip" that I didn't want for 40p more than I wanted to pay. Then off to get some couscous. There used to be some nice little packets of plain, lemon or mushrom flavoured. Gone, all gone. Now it's all Ainsley Harriet branded hedgehog and bilberry flavoured crap, monster boxes of organic something or other or another selection of less than appetising mixtures from someone I've never heard of.

And let's not pretend it's just Morrisons. Last week in my local Waitrose there were no Quaker Oats. Well there were. There were "quick" Quaker Oats. There were honey flavoured Quaker Oats, and there were organic Quaker Oats, but no straight-forwartd honest-to-god common-or-garden Quaker oats, so I bought the "organic" ones - I knew I shouldn't have, but I did. I knew I shouldn't have because they described themselves as "new chunky texture". Why do I buy Quaker Oats? - because they aren't Scotts' - which are chunky. What were these damned oats like? Indistinguishable from Scots...